Boris Johnson has achieved the position of Foreign Secretary, ensuring to offend all countries he hasn't already offended.
Wikipedia defines Boris Johnson as “a British politician, popular historian, author, and journalist”. I define Boris Johnson as an ass, but let’s take a quick look at his accomplishments so that you may decide where exactly he lies on the spectrum.
Most obviously, Johnson’s appearance takes the forefront – speaking much louder than the words and spit droplets out of his mouth. Indeed, he appears to have raised a seagull from an infant for the sole purpose of gently caressing his head, and protecting him from the cold. His bright, blonde, shaggy hair certainly resonates an attitude of nonchalance in a very rigid political arena that is London.
Of course, Boris Johnson grew up in a way many British politicians do: with a silver spoon in his mouth. He attended Eton College and the University of Oxford, becoming President of the Oxford Union during this time. More famously, he is known for his participation as a member of the Bullingdon Club – famous for its extravagant parties and local vandalism – alongside David Cameron and Finance Minister, George Osborne.
After university, Johnson began working as a journalist at The Times, but was sacked after fabricating a quote for an article. He then began working at The Daily Telegraph (which apparently has no qualms with mis-quoting) and soon became the Brussels Correspondent, reporting on the European Commission. He established himself as a “Euro-skeptic” journalist whose articles painted the Commission in a rather poor light, and allegedly became a key influence for UKIP in the early 1990s.
Fast-forward to his role as Mayor of London, Johnson quickly revamped London’s transportation – bringing in new busses, creating “Boris Bikes”, and banning alcohol on the Tube, which can be seen as either good or bad depending on who you ask. However, he quickly announced that Tube service would run 24 hours a day, before finalising contracts with TFL union workers. This resulted in multiple Tube strikes across the city; with many more planned strikes that were called off. Over a year later, 24 tubes are still unavailable.
During his time as mayor, Johnson was perceived as shifting left for his policies on implementing a London living wage, and providing amnesty for illegal immigrants. However, in February 2016 he officially endorsed the “Leave” campaign in support of Brexit. Johnson’s stance contrasted that of Cameron, which was to remain in the European Union. As such, he quickly became associated with UKIP leaders such as Nigel Farage, who, ironically, argued that the EU brought in too many immigrants. No word from Boris as to whether or not he will support amnesty for the soon-to-be-illegal millions of Europeans who would have been able to live in the UK legally.
In the wake of Brexit, with Cameron stepping down and being replaced by Theresa May, a fire-breathing dragon that feasts upon sacrificed goats for breakfast each morning, Johnson has elevated his position to Foreign Secretary. Although many believed he only supported Brexit to oust Cameron and take his place as Prime Minister, he quickly eliminated himself as a potential candidate for the role. As an individual with a long, well-documented history of controversial statements directed towards other countries, his new role of Foreign Secretary will be nothing short of entertaining – possibly in the same way tragedies like Titanic or Saving Private Ryan are entertaining. Either way, I am certain we will laugh and cry at both his expense and ours as a global community.